Eye Bleed

Today I fully realised the karmic affect of cheating a multinational corporation.

On yet another day on the endless road of home improvements we found ourselfs in the mecca of flat pack and soft wood furniture.

We have been living on and out of boxes and decided we needed to unpack a few, shelves and other necessities were obviously needed.

In the Scandinavian superstore i felt like bleeting out loud as I snaked my way slowly through the showroom maze with ten thousand other shoe dragging men and their partners.

Still.. at the checkout we were undercharged £230… One third of our total budget.

We left quietly, teeth clenched, out into the cold and packed the car in record time.

I don’t know how it started, perhaps the cold, perhaps the over exertion from packing too fast, perhaps I picked it. But half way home my nose started gushing blood.

No drama I thought. I have had nose bleeds before, a long time ago, but i knew what to do. I gripped the end and waited for it to stop.

It Didn’t.

It leaked all over the place and the flow was heavy. Over my jeans over my shirt, over the garden and into the house, up the stairs and over the bathroom floor, the sink and toilet.

I sat for a bit and nodded at advice telling me to do what I was already doing.

Then I leant over to pick up some tissue I had dropped on the floor and something strange happened.

I bled from my eyes.

Initially I was too transfixed to the bathroom mirror to be worried. The blood oozed out from behind my eyeballs and down my face. I banged the window frantically as the car was being unloaded by my only witness.

When she turned the corner at the top of the stairs I was satisfied that my horror movie face was indeed as bad as it looked.

There was a scream.

I then got severely reprimanded for trying to take a photo with my one free hand. I dropped the camera.

After a brief panic a nurse on the phone said, yes it some time happens and there was nothing to worry about unless the bleeding did not stop in twenty minutes.

It didn’t, but half an hour later I was happy enough and washed the dried blood from me and my immediate surroundings, happy that I had both my hands back in use.

I felt like I had lost a pint and thought about utilising the benefit a beer would bring to my metabolism.

Instead I had an early nigh and dreaded the moment our lucky shop would have to be unpacked and the real home assembly adventure begin.